EF#8 – Fifteen

Dear, me…

First, I wanna say that I proud of your achievement during this. That is help me to get scholarship until lecture. And your religious background help me to survive in this wild world too. I’m still on the right track because of your patience and persistence. Keep it on.

But, there is something that makes me disappointed. Your stage fright was hampered my progress. I lost a lot of opportunities to get knowledge because of you who are too afraid to ask. I lost a lot of event to discover my potential. Ah, you shouldn’t be ashamed to do something good. You don’t need to worry about what people say about you as long as you didn’t do something bad. It’s reasonable to do mistakes. We learn from our mistakes to improve our self. So, don’t be afraid to appear. Please, be brave. From now.

Then, your ability of English. Why don’t you like English lessons? Maybe your teacher in junior high school was so sucks. But, you shouldn’t be lazy to learn English. You know? I got into trouble because you don’t want to learn English seriously.

But, as a muslim, I know that we shouldn’t regret anything that was happened. There is a wisdom in everything that happens in our lives because this all happened on the will of God.

And now, I realized. Your weakness bring a new life for me.

Because of your weakness in English, I met with BEC. From BEC, I met with a lot of wonderful people. I can improve my English too.

And your stage fright encouraged me to become a better person and to learn from the past. I don’t want to be a person who not useful. I want to be a hero from zero.

And because of that all, I would like to say thank you.

Thank to be you. Thank to be a younger me.

I still proud of you, because you are me.

With luv,

« You, ten years later »

EF post week 8. Theme: Write a letter to the younger you

EF#6 – It’s me or not

Alterego is a quite hard theme for me. Not only because I do not know what the true meaning of Alterego, but also because I have to write it in English.

Refers to some articles, I can concluded that Alterego is another of our personality. And they said that everyone has Alterego. So, if I had? I do not know, but I often feel that I have two contradictory nature at once.

For example, many people say that I’m a friendly person, but the others say I’m an arrogant and “jutek” (How to say it in English?). Both of them could be true. Sometimes I’m friendly, but sometimes suddenly become “jutek” and apathetic. Probably, it is depends on my moodswings or the person I was talking about. I have no idea.

Lately, I seem to take advantage from one of my Alterego in my life. Originally I had a stage fright nature. When I imagine that I have to perform in public, my stomach feels queasy, like there are butterflies fluttering inside. My mind is going blank, my body is trembling, and also nervous.

But for some conditions, I was required to perform and against my nature. So, usually I would think to wear a “mask”, to be someone else, then go forward. I would assume that me and people in front of me, don’t know each other. And it works. In the end, I was successfully performed without any problems.

Thus, while I hesitate to do something, or afraid of something, I’m going to act like everyone else, like it’s not me. I do not care about what other people would say about me anymore, because it’s not me. Precisely, I think it’s not me.

But sometimes, it takes a lot of effort to be able to think like that. There are times when my fear is greater than my attempts to wear a “mask”. Huft.

Well, as far as I understand, I think that is my alterego, how about yours?

EF post week 6. Theme: Alter ego


Alterego adalah tema yang cukup berat untukku. Bukan hanya karena aku tidak tahu apa makna sebenarnya dari alterego ini, tapi karena aku juga harus menulisnya dalam bahasa inggris.

Dari beberapa referensi, bisa kusimpulkan kalau alterego adalah kepribadian kita yang lain. Dan katanya, semua orang punya alterego. Jadi, apakah aku juga punya? Aku tidak tahu, tapi aku suka merasa mempunyai dua sifat yang bertentangan sekaligus.

Sebagai contoh, banyak orang mengatakan aku orang yang ramah, tapi tak sedikit yang mengatakan aku sombong dan jutek. Kedua-duanya bisa jadi benar. Kadang aku ramah, tapi kadang juga tiba-tiba jadi jutek dan cuek. Mungkin tergantung mood atau orang yang sedang kuhadapi. Entahlah.

Baru-baru ini, aku sepertinya memanfaatkan salah satu alteregoku dalam kehidupanku. Aslinya aku punya sifat demam panggung. Saat membayangkan aku harus tampil di depan umum, rasanya perutku langsung mual, seperti ada kupu-kupu beterbangan di dalamnya. Pikiranku akan blank, tubuhku gemetar, dan bicaraku pun gugup.

Tapi untuk beberapa kondisi, aku diharuskan melawan sifatku itu dan tampil ke depan. Maka, biasanya aku akan berpikir untuk memakai “topeng”, menjadi orang lain, lalu tampil ke depan. Aku akan menganggap orang-orang didepanku tidak mengenalku, begitupun sebaliknya. Dan itu berhasil. Pada akhirnya aku sukses tampil tanpa masalah.

Begitulah, saat aku ragu melakukan sesuatu, atau takut menghadapi sesuatu, aku akan berlagak seperti orang lain, seperti bukan aku. Tak kupedulikan orang lain akan berkata apa, karena itu bukan aku. Tepatnya, aku berpikir itu bukan aku.

Tapi terkadang, butuh banyak usaha untuk bisa berpikir seperti itu. Ada saat-saat dimana ketakutanku lebih besar daripada usahaku untuk memakai “topeng”.

Well, sejauh yang aku pahami, sepertinya itu alteregoku, bagaimana denganmu?